biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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