Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
