Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
