The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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