made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
