yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
