I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
