Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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