She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if only i could text you this smell
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize