It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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