I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize