no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
