It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
