there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
