The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
