rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
