one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
