when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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