She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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