I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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