Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And then the night went full on bisexual.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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