tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
