you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize