My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
