Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
