it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
They have beer where we have blood.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
