i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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