I hate your face
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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