I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize