We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
