we have pet lesbian snakes
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
