Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
