Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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