that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
They have beer where we have blood.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
