Do you still have your period?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
