In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
