i was born a porn star she said
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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