And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
