it was like his penis was on wheels.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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