I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
