My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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