Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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