you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
