If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize