my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
