Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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