walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
whose parrot is this?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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