Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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