The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
as a side note pls kill me
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