it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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