at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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