She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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