if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
