I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
