i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
