I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
