just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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