Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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