I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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