Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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