The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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