Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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