A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
