Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
