one word: firstdatebathroomanal
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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