Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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