I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
