Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
zippers are such a cool invention
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
