When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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