my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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