I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
