I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize