i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
