we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
