I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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