in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
MIDGETS
????
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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