You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So many bounce houses so little time
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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